How Self-Fulfilling Prophecies Sabotage Love & Dating

The way you treat someone, changes the way they treat you.

If you consciously or unconsciously expect someone to hurt or disappoint you, you will treat them coldly and be more distant than usual.

When that person sees that you are treating them with coldness and distance for no apparent reason (because they know they are a good person) - they might be wary of you, and treat you with similar level of coldness and distance.

Emotionally healthy people don't like to be interacted with as if they are the person who hurt or mistreated you in your past.

They may have patience, but usually they would simply rather spend time with people who see the good in them and treat them as such.

They might then withdraw, leave, or otherwise keep an emotional distance from you.

You might then think, "I knew it, they're such an a*hole or b*ch. Good thing I never really trusted them."

Meanwhile, the reality is that you created a self-fulfilling prophecy based on your inner blueprint of intimacy, which is still expecting the worst of other people.

Your unconscious expectations caused a reaction in the other person that ultimately reinforced your negative expectations and projections.

This is just one example. This happens with all kinds of other situations:

- Expecting a person to be Avoidant, and then displaying anxious behaviours that actually make the person avoid you more than they otherwise would have.

- Not getting your needs met in a relationship, and then communicating in unhealthy ways that make it even LESS likely that your needs will be met.

In psychological terms, this is called "Behavioural Confirmation".

Most people are constantly reinforcing their negative or unhelpful expectations, assumptions and beliefs in this way. It's not intentional and it's not a conscious process.

This is why people's patterns in relationships and dating often repeat for many years. It's tragic, but it doesn't have to be this way forever.

Healing starts by recognising that this is happening (usually with the support of someone who can illuminate your blindspots), and beginning the process of updating your blueprint with a healthier map of intimacy.

This is what becoming Securely Attached is about. This is what I do with people.

To become Securely Attached, you need to have positive new corrective experiences to update your inner blueprint, which means you can stop creating these self-fulfilling prophecies that aren't serving you.

With Secure Attachment, you become liberated from the chains of your past experiences and patterns that keep you stuck in these cycles.

With Secure Attachment, you are finally free to align with and keep the kinds of relationships you've always dreamed of.

Everyone deserves this, but we have to confront our patterns that are getting in the way first.

The process I use to help people to become Secure is the only process that I know of that's been demonstrated to help people become Secure within a relatively short period of time, instead of the many years it takes most people.

It creates an entirely new blueprint of security for a whole new level of intimacy and closeness.

- Serdar Hararovich