Secure Attachment: What is it like to become Secure as an adult?

- "It's not safe for me to share my needs" gets transformed into a deeply felt sense of "It is completely safe for me to share my needs, and I can do it in a loving way."

- "I have to keep over-giving and proving my worth to this person" transforms into an embodied sense of "I feel worthy of love without ever needing to over-give or self-abandon."

- "I will be abandoned / they will lose interest" gets transformed into a felt sense of "I am safely connected and secure - I don't have to worry anymore."

- "I have to secure a commitment quickly" transforms into "I want to get to know this person over time to see if they are actually a good fit for me."

- "They're not meeting my needs so they aren't right for me" transforms into "I'm disappointed and frustrated. I'm going to have a collaborative discussion with them at an appropriate time to see if we can resolve this."

- "It's not safe to rely on others" gets transformed into "It finally feels safe to rely on others."

- "Other people's needs are too much pressure - there's no space for me." gets transformed into "Both my needs and other people's needs can co-exist safely. One person's needs never have to dominate the others."

- "If I share my true authentic self, I will be rejected" gets transformed into "I love being with people who see & celebrate my authentic self."

- "I'll be utterly alone without this person, so I have to be whoever I need to be to keep them" gets transformed into "It's safe for me to have my own way of doing things, my unique quirks and own identity - and I trust that I will be accepted. If not, I trust that I will find someone who will accept me."

Please note: these are not affirmations. Affirmations do not create Secure Attachment.

These are instead verbal translations of what is happening on a much deeper, unconscious level during the process of becoming Secure - an embodied and felt experience of inner security.

Secure Attachment gives us the power to access our deepest potential. To live our lives from our true self.

Secure Attachment allows us to enjoy the incredible richness of secure, soulful intimacy and really take it in.

As human beings, we come alive in the presence of secure love.

- Serdar Hararovich