True Intimacy Is The Rarest Skill

By Serdar Hararovich
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I don't care how loving a person believes they are when they are in love & everything is going well.

You don't have to do any inner work to have a wonderful honeymoon romance.

I care what she's like when she's NOT so deeply in love - when the intensity is fading, and making way for the deeper currents of true intimacy.

I care what she's like when she feels resentment, frustration, disappointment and all the feelings that Hollywood doesn't prepare most people for - yet are part of EVERY relationship.

The kinds of feelings most people struggle to navigate in a healthy way.

The kinds of feelings that make most people - including women - become withholding, punishing, or antagonistic towards their partner.

I care what her love looks like in the hard moments. The moments when neither of us wants to soften. Is she capable of softening, or will it always be me?

The moments when we could easily drift apart, as stay together. The moments when painful feelings make all the positives feel non-existent.

This is the kind of love I care about - the kind that's present even in THOSE moments.

The kind of love that is love in ACTION, not just in feeling.

This is the kind of love I dedicated my life to cultivating. This is the kind of love that only deep relational work can make someone capable of.

This is what I care about - a woman who embodies love & appreciation for her partner - and embodies it generously, not just when it's easy to do.

The kind of woman who doesn't withdraw love as soon as her needs are not fully met.

Where even when things aren't ideal, she's still fully in. Just as I am.

Someone who doesn't treat love as a transaction - instead, it's simply who she is.

These are the rarest qualities in a partner, which is why they are so valuable to me.

Attraction, chemistry, passion - yes, all of these things matter. But these things are not so rare in my experience.

Not as rare as the person who's been cultivating her character and her soul, not just her spiritual ego.

Not as rare as the person who's done the work - the real work - to show up as an adult in relationships.

Not in her 'feminine'. Not in her 'surrender'. Not in these new spiritual versions of performative relating.

Just her raw, real, vulnerable, adult self.

That's the work I did, and that's the standard I hold - for myself, and for true partnership.