11 Surprising Signs That Low Self-Worth Is Driving Your Love Life

1. You mainly (or only) seek to date people who you perceive as higher than you in some way: they have higher status, more accomplished, more money or beauty/looks than you perceive yourself as having.

2. You believe that you’re not fit enough, not healed enough, not attractive enough, or not rich enough to be dating or worthy of love.

3. You are overly focused on appearing as an 'alpha' or 'masculine' male or being a 'feminine' woman.

4. You speak negatively about yourself, either out loud or in your own head.

5. Difficulty in being fully authentic and allowing all of who you are to be seen. You show only your best side, and may not reveal things that you feel could get you rejected until months or years later.

6. When someone clearly wants to be with you, you devalue them in your mind. You are instead more attracted to people who show less interest in you or are less consistent.

7. You don’t ask for the things you need or desire because you don’t think they are important or worth speaking up for.

8. You tolerate the bare minimum and stay in unsatisfying relationships because you don’t believe you can do better.

9. Your sense of worth comes from over-giving and people-pleasing to a degree that is detrimental to your own well-being.

10. Your sense of worth comes from whether someone chooses you and whether you can make them want to be with you.

11. Your sense of worth fluctuates based on how your date or partner feels about you in any given moment.

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Low self-worth is correlated with feelings of shame about ourselves (both conscious and unconscious).

In order to heal from the effects of shame, we need corrective relational experiences designed to replace our negative self-worth with healthy self-esteem. I support people with this process.

This is when we can start to reclaim our right to healthy, healing relationships.